FRIENDS

How do you know if someone is your friend? You dont. You never do. I myself never trusted anyone. On rare occasion. All because of one person that taught me in seventh grade not to trust everyone so openly. So i made a friend that i had a hard time trusting in the beginning, but eventually i did trust them. and for a long time they were the only person i did trust. They taught me that not everyone cannot be trusted, there are select few that can be trusted. I had started trusting more and more people again, but not alot. Then someone in my life was so offended that i didnt trust them like they trusted me--i barely knew him-- and then when i did give him my trust he gave me a reason not to trust him. why would he expect me to trust him and then disrespect me like that?

but that's not my focal point in this post. No, no. This one's about You, Miranda. Yes. How you had my trust for so long. But now that you have disrespected me, i dont know how to trust you anymore. For all i know, you may have stopped trusting me (or partially) in freshman year. But we wont dwell on freshman year. I know i did wrong. I admit that openly. And for a long time, you WERE right about it all. I know i made alot of it up in my little head, but eventually it became true--wether you knew it or not, it did become reality. But wait--i said i wouldnt dwell on freshman year...

I used to trust you so much. I had nobody else to trust. Because nobody else was worthy of it. Nobody understood me like you did. But now you are going around telling people i'm crazy and i'm "not the Ginger I used to know"; you wont even defend me when i'm not around anymore. I still love you enough to defend you when you're gone. Which does happen alot it seems. Someone told me i shouldnt be doing it for you, if you cant do that for me. Because apparantly you dont even like me anymore. I'm too "crazy". I'm "not Ginger anymore".

Things happen that make us. Some people dont give their opinion maybe because they were in trouble for doing it when they were younger. Some people are afraid of germs because their parents were always sick and always cleaning everything and avoiding germy places like this discusting keyboard i'm typing on. (note to self: wash hands when leaving the computer lab) Like me: i never used to be afraid to give my opinion freely. I tried hard not to offend people when giving it sometimes but after you know who, I'm terrifyed to give it. I have an opinion, but it's not free anymore, it has a price. If wanted, it may as well be asked for because I'm too afraid something may get thrown near me or someone may punch something non-living because of it.

But here i am, telling you what i think. Maybe that's because you're nowhere near me to throw things at me or scream at me. Or then again, maybe it's because i know that you and i need to argue. Otherwise, this will never get out of the way and we'll never be friends again. Why else do you think i keep antagonizing you? Because you need to say what has been in that glass bottle inside you. It's time to get out the bottle opener, let's shake it up and see how much comes out. Because eventually it will go stale and someone will come along and instead of opening it and letting it out, it will get thrown away and never remembered.

You cant just not like me because Tony or Sarah dont like me. So what if they dont like me? That doesnt mean that because you are their friends that you have to remove me from your list. Everyone has their own list, Miranda. You dont have to remove any of your friends off of there just because someone tells you that that person doesnt make THEIR list.

But i KNOW that that's just a cover story, that's not the real reason why you are being so snoody to me. This was going on a year ago. And back then, I dont think you knew Tony, or at least didnt talk to him as much as I did. Back then, he still liked me! He was still sitting in my heat seat, where NOBODY ELSE was permitted to sit. It was either Tony or nobody who sat with me. I would share my heater with no one else. Tony is cool. Dont get me wrong, i just dont know what he has against me.

So it has to be YOURS AND MY PROBLEM, it has nothing to do with all the people you are trying to tie into it. It is only Miranda's and Ginger's problem that they need to get through, it has nothing to do with Sarah, and nothing to do with Tony. They may have only made it worse.