I have lately been refusing to update my blog because some people dont need to know everything. So i have been keeping YOU away from knowing what is going on in my life and in my head. Because i know that maybe Miranda actaully does read this. Not that she would care to think of me, because as they say..."out of sight, out of mind." so you see, that is why she doesnt bother to call me or talk to me or see me or anything, because she's got other things in front of her to occupy her and keep her from thinking about anyone who isnt there. But apparantly i'm supposed to just move on with my life and forget about it completely that i had a friend that loved me and was the greatest friend anyone could ever hope for...that i'm just supposed to start all over again in search of a friend that great. that i need to just forget she ever happened and find someone to fill that place... I CANT DO THAT. STOP TELLING ME I CAN AND THAT I SHOULD. I CANT. Those of you who think i can, are wrong. Obviously you havent had a friend you would give the world for. You dont know what having such a friend is like if you think i can just give her up like that. It's not possible...
Well, for you Miranda, i hope you arent really thinking like this, you understand my mind better than anyone else. And if you reaaaaaly thought about it you would know what i am thinking. Because not just that, but i have told you it! The entire concept that my whole life is a lie. Or else just alot of it. Maybe you really are just a really good actress. You have lied to me to make me live a lie. Why, i donno. Maybe i'm just a little paranoid, but i've been faked before. Remember? Someone faked a friendship with me for a year and they exposed me to people who didnt like me. They lied to me. I trusted them. I have since always had a huge problem with trusting people. But i trusted YOU, Miranda. Maybe that was the stick that broke the camel's back. Maybe that was what will cause my downfall some day. Which makes me wonder, if all this was/is a lie, and i cant trust YOU, then I cant trust ANYONE. So you tell me, Miranda. Are you intentionally trying to ignore the problem? Or are you finally giving up on letting me live this lie? I am so confused about so many things right now, and this has always been at the top of the list.
So maybe when you know what the truth is, MAYBE THEN YOU CAN LET ME KNOW?? Until then, i'll sit here in my new world with my boys and talk to them about things and try so hard not to mention your name to them.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
TO YOU REBECCA
Well it turns out people read this crap. But only because they know that I say things on it that concern them. I say what I see. And for you, i will tell you that I got along with Sarah. I tried to be nice to her. I try to be nice to her. But when she starts picking at me and saying things to me that I dont think concern her at all, it offends me. You offended me tonight. People THAT MAY KNOW ME even though i dont know them-- when they can be frank and kinda rude, and say "are you bipolar" and just start saying those things to me that have nothing to do with you, bother me. I dont know you, and even though you may have to hear all of it, well i guess i'm saying that it must be nice to have someone to defend you when you are speechless. See, apparantly i'm so worthless that i cant have anyone bother to do it for me. They say things that look like they may have been defending my reputation, but in the end it's just all about them...but that's getting me way way WAY off topic, not even involving anyone i was just talking about...
I have been saying what i have wanted to say. What i have been feeling has been needed to be said. But when nobody gives me any feedback, how the hell am i supposed to react? i dont have any idea what the hell is going on through Miranda's head--BECAUSE SHE DOESNT TALK TO ME ANYMORE. So yeah i think maybe you should put yourself in my place before you judge me, Rebecca because i have tried to be nice to Sarah. But when nobody tells me what the hell is going on, i am left to the one rule of assuming the worst because anything could be happening. I never know what's going on anymore, and i just feel forgotten or disregarded. And the way you made me feel tonight, that just makes me feel more disregarded than forgotten. But it also makes me feel well, i'm sure Miranda could explain me better than i could. Maybe you should get her to tell you how crazy i am, then maybe you can think about all this and see something new.
Today was starting to get a little bad and by going to see Miranda i thought just a random thought, that if i could just say hi, tell her i missed her and that i loved her and give her a hug, that my day just might become better again. But then you just threw it down, and well since you made me start hyperventalating i havent been able to stop crying, because you really offended me.
Now that you have heard that, Rebecca, post a comment and tell me what you have to say now.
I have been saying what i have wanted to say. What i have been feeling has been needed to be said. But when nobody gives me any feedback, how the hell am i supposed to react? i dont have any idea what the hell is going on through Miranda's head--BECAUSE SHE DOESNT TALK TO ME ANYMORE. So yeah i think maybe you should put yourself in my place before you judge me, Rebecca because i have tried to be nice to Sarah. But when nobody tells me what the hell is going on, i am left to the one rule of assuming the worst because anything could be happening. I never know what's going on anymore, and i just feel forgotten or disregarded. And the way you made me feel tonight, that just makes me feel more disregarded than forgotten. But it also makes me feel well, i'm sure Miranda could explain me better than i could. Maybe you should get her to tell you how crazy i am, then maybe you can think about all this and see something new.
Today was starting to get a little bad and by going to see Miranda i thought just a random thought, that if i could just say hi, tell her i missed her and that i loved her and give her a hug, that my day just might become better again. But then you just threw it down, and well since you made me start hyperventalating i havent been able to stop crying, because you really offended me.
Now that you have heard that, Rebecca, post a comment and tell me what you have to say now.
Long Day Ahead of Me
I like to have a lot of things to do, but today is like whoa--to much! WAAAY too much. After i get out of this class, i will go home and gather all the laundry around. Then i will make my way to Charlotte first--get a yearbook because Mrs. Hosek was supposed to save one for me and if she didnt that shows how evil she really is...
Well so then after my yearbook is recieved, i make my way to Olivet and see grandma. Get laundry started, go with her to Charlotte to order my contacts, then go back to grandma's and at some point in time complete my script for Television Production. Oh people--it's beautiful...
So after I have left grandma's, finished script or not, (but clean laundry anyways :D) somehow get ahold of Aaron and get with him. So yeah other than all that...i guess hah if you dont think that's a full day, then i guess i have a pretty dull day ahead of me!! That's all I'm doing today. I am so freaking hungry. I got up on time today, but I sat around for a while and so I skipped breakfast. If only we had more poptarts, right grandma? right aunt pam?? i dont really like the ones we have left, they taste awful. they're the cheap brand of pop tarts... some things you just dont want the cheap brand of--and pop tarts is one of them.
Ginger
Well so then after my yearbook is recieved, i make my way to Olivet and see grandma. Get laundry started, go with her to Charlotte to order my contacts, then go back to grandma's and at some point in time complete my script for Television Production. Oh people--it's beautiful...
So after I have left grandma's, finished script or not, (but clean laundry anyways :D) somehow get ahold of Aaron and get with him. So yeah other than all that...i guess hah if you dont think that's a full day, then i guess i have a pretty dull day ahead of me!! That's all I'm doing today. I am so freaking hungry. I got up on time today, but I sat around for a while and so I skipped breakfast. If only we had more poptarts, right grandma? right aunt pam?? i dont really like the ones we have left, they taste awful. they're the cheap brand of pop tarts... some things you just dont want the cheap brand of--and pop tarts is one of them.
Ginger
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
OK SODA
TO ALL OF YOU WHO EVER DOUBTED MY MEMORIES OF OK SODA, I CAN NOW LAUGH IN YOUR FACE AS YOU ALL ONCE TOLD ME THAT I WAS CRAZY AND I WAS MAKING IT UP JUST LIKE I DID WITH EVERYTHING ELSE. NOW THINK THIS: IF THIS CAN BE TRUE, WHAT ELSE THAT I HAVE SAID COULD POSSIBLY HAVE TRUTH TO THEM?? NOW JUST HOW CRAZY AM I??
http://home.pacifier.com/~ntierney/oksoda.htm
http://home.pacifier.com/~ntierney/oksoda.htm
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Ok so Neil did it and i want to do it because i can. but it wont let me copy it all because we have CHEAP SHITTY MICE HERE AT LCC so i will have to painfully TYPE IT...
But i am stealing it from Neil.
Firsts...
First Best Friend: Christina Bingham
First Car: currently in the process of getting a Cavilier 1991 4 door
First Date: officially, Travis Ross-double date with Miranda and Nate
First Real Kiss: no comment
First Screen Name: gingermarrie
First Self Purchased CD: not sure, i think it was NSYNC's second album
First Pets: Roadrunner the Cat
First Piercing/Tattoo: nicht
First Musician You Remember Hearing In Your House: Bob Seger
Lasts...
Last Cigarette: NEVER
Last Car Ride: Monday
Last Kiss: Terry
Last Good Cry: when Sarah yelled at me about Miranda
Last Library Book Checked Out: an Art Book for French Class last May
Last Movie Seen: Gothica
Last Beverage Drank: milk
Last Food Consumed: Frosted Mini Wheats
Last Crush: (slap me miranda)...ibzm...
Last Phone Call: well i missed a few but last time i talked was to mon pere
Last Time Showered: two hours ago
Last Shoes Worn: adidas...super-something...
Last CD Played: Green Day
Last Annoyance: SARAH WEBB
Last Disappointment: when miranda didnt react the way a friend really would have
Last Shirt Worn: crappy "cutest kittens have the sharpest claws" shirt that has bleach spots
Last Website Visited: http://neil.cbulock.com
Last Word/s you Said: "how'd you do that?" mumbling to myself to the teacher in photoshop, shortly afterwards i figured it out
Last Song You Sang: Against The Wind, Bob Seger
What Color Socks Are You Wearing: white
What Color Underwear Are You Wearing: grey
What's Under Your Bed?: nothing
What Time Did You Wake Up Today?: 5:45 am
Future...
Where Do You Want To Go?: Hawaii, Albuqurquie(?), London, Paris, Rome...(everywhere)
What Is Your Career Going To Be?: Technical Director at NBC
Where are You Going To Live?: that one place
How Many Kids Do You Want?: no comment
What Kind Of Car(s)?: a hummer a jeep a mustang and a thunderbird
Current...
Current Mood: tamed out since an hour ago...not really anywhere
Current Music: nicht
Current Taste: lemon drop :D
Current Hair: half up half down
Current Clothes: cow pants, green shirt and coat to stay warm
Current Desktop Picture: Blue screen (default lcc computers)
Current Book: havent really been working on it, but the Slimirillion
Current Color Of Toenail: red
Current Hate: all people
Unique...
Nervous Habits? rock back and forth either obviously or barely
Are You Double Jointed?: je ne sais pas
Can You Roll Your Tounge?: no but i can turn my tounge 90 degrees each way
Can You Raise one Eyebrow at A Time?: no
Can You Blow Spit Bubble?: no
Can You Cross Your Eyes?: yes
Tattoos?: no
Piercings and Where?: no
Do You Make Your Bed Daily?: yes-just before i sleep in it
Clothes...
Which Shoe Goes on First: i'm not a band geek i dont choose one foot over the other!!
Speaking of Shoes, Have You ever Thrown One At Anyone?: yes
On the Average, How Much money Do You Carry In Your Wallet?: nicht, i usually have none
What Jewelry Do You Wear 24/7?: i wear the precious around my neck, a star necklace and ALWAYS HAVE my spiral ring on my left hand pointer finger
Favorite Piece Of Clothing: cow pants
Food...
Do You Twirl Your Spaghetti or cut It?: twirl
Have You ever eaten spam?: no
Favorite Ice Cream flavor: mint chocolate chip
How many cereals are in your cabnit?: three
Favorite Beverage: V-8 Spash Strawberry-Kiwi
Favorite Resteraunt: Ponderosa???no--McDonalds!!!
Do You Cook?: yes
Grooming...
How often do You brush your teeth?: in the morning and at night
Hair Drying Method: blow dryer
Have You ever coloured/highlighted your hair? alot
Manners...
Do You Swear?: depending on the group--i think before i say
Do You ever Spit?: NO
What Is Your Favorite...
Animal?: cats, big or small because i am a cat
Food?: corn on the cob
Month?: May-a six day holiday
Day?: Friday Saturday
Favorite Cartoon Character?: well, it's NOT spongebob
Shoe Brand?: adidas
Subject In School?: algerbra
Color?: orange
Sport?: to play, hockey to watch, football
Tv Show?: Days and Passions
In and Around...
The CD player?: my cd player is broken
Person You Talk To Most On the Phone With?: Miranda, though Jordan's making headway
Ever taken a cab?: no
Do You Regularly check yourself out in store windows or mirrors?: YES
What colour is your bedroom?: white, not by choice
Do You Use an Alarm Clock?: yes
Window Seat or aisle?: window seat though aisle gives me easy escape...window seat.
La La Land...
What's Your Sleeping Position?: on my left side but trying to sleep on back it's better
Even In Hot Weather, Do You Use a Blanket?: i always need a blanket
Do You Snore?: no i do not
Do You Sleepwalk?: not that I'm aware of
Do You talk in Your Sleep?: i dont think so
Do You Sleep with Stuffed Animals?: no
How About with The Light On?: not intentionally but yes
Do You fall asleep with the TV or radio on? i can with the tv but usually the radio is too distracting.
wow, that took me all class to do! whew!
But i am stealing it from Neil.
Firsts...
First Best Friend: Christina Bingham
First Car: currently in the process of getting a Cavilier 1991 4 door
First Date: officially, Travis Ross-double date with Miranda and Nate
First Real Kiss: no comment
First Screen Name: gingermarrie
First Self Purchased CD: not sure, i think it was NSYNC's second album
First Pets: Roadrunner the Cat
First Piercing/Tattoo: nicht
First Musician You Remember Hearing In Your House: Bob Seger
Lasts...
Last Cigarette: NEVER
Last Car Ride: Monday
Last Kiss: Terry
Last Good Cry: when Sarah yelled at me about Miranda
Last Library Book Checked Out: an Art Book for French Class last May
Last Movie Seen: Gothica
Last Beverage Drank: milk
Last Food Consumed: Frosted Mini Wheats
Last Crush: (slap me miranda)...ibzm...
Last Phone Call: well i missed a few but last time i talked was to mon pere
Last Time Showered: two hours ago
Last Shoes Worn: adidas...super-something...
Last CD Played: Green Day
Last Annoyance: SARAH WEBB
Last Disappointment: when miranda didnt react the way a friend really would have
Last Shirt Worn: crappy "cutest kittens have the sharpest claws" shirt that has bleach spots
Last Website Visited: http://neil.cbulock.com
Last Word/s you Said: "how'd you do that?" mumbling to myself to the teacher in photoshop, shortly afterwards i figured it out
Last Song You Sang: Against The Wind, Bob Seger
What Color Socks Are You Wearing: white
What Color Underwear Are You Wearing: grey
What's Under Your Bed?: nothing
What Time Did You Wake Up Today?: 5:45 am
Future...
Where Do You Want To Go?: Hawaii, Albuqurquie(?), London, Paris, Rome...(everywhere)
What Is Your Career Going To Be?: Technical Director at NBC
Where are You Going To Live?: that one place
How Many Kids Do You Want?: no comment
What Kind Of Car(s)?: a hummer a jeep a mustang and a thunderbird
Current...
Current Mood: tamed out since an hour ago...not really anywhere
Current Music: nicht
Current Taste: lemon drop :D
Current Hair: half up half down
Current Clothes: cow pants, green shirt and coat to stay warm
Current Desktop Picture: Blue screen (default lcc computers)
Current Book: havent really been working on it, but the Slimirillion
Current Color Of Toenail: red
Current Hate: all people
Unique...
Nervous Habits? rock back and forth either obviously or barely
Are You Double Jointed?: je ne sais pas
Can You Roll Your Tounge?: no but i can turn my tounge 90 degrees each way
Can You Raise one Eyebrow at A Time?: no
Can You Blow Spit Bubble?: no
Can You Cross Your Eyes?: yes
Tattoos?: no
Piercings and Where?: no
Do You Make Your Bed Daily?: yes-just before i sleep in it
Clothes...
Which Shoe Goes on First: i'm not a band geek i dont choose one foot over the other!!
Speaking of Shoes, Have You ever Thrown One At Anyone?: yes
On the Average, How Much money Do You Carry In Your Wallet?: nicht, i usually have none
What Jewelry Do You Wear 24/7?: i wear the precious around my neck, a star necklace and ALWAYS HAVE my spiral ring on my left hand pointer finger
Favorite Piece Of Clothing: cow pants
Food...
Do You Twirl Your Spaghetti or cut It?: twirl
Have You ever eaten spam?: no
Favorite Ice Cream flavor: mint chocolate chip
How many cereals are in your cabnit?: three
Favorite Beverage: V-8 Spash Strawberry-Kiwi
Favorite Resteraunt: Ponderosa???no--McDonalds!!!
Do You Cook?: yes
Grooming...
How often do You brush your teeth?: in the morning and at night
Hair Drying Method: blow dryer
Have You ever coloured/highlighted your hair? alot
Manners...
Do You Swear?: depending on the group--i think before i say
Do You ever Spit?: NO
What Is Your Favorite...
Animal?: cats, big or small because i am a cat
Food?: corn on the cob
Month?: May-a six day holiday
Day?: Friday Saturday
Favorite Cartoon Character?: well, it's NOT spongebob
Shoe Brand?: adidas
Subject In School?: algerbra
Color?: orange
Sport?: to play, hockey to watch, football
Tv Show?: Days and Passions
In and Around...
The CD player?: my cd player is broken
Person You Talk To Most On the Phone With?: Miranda, though Jordan's making headway
Ever taken a cab?: no
Do You Regularly check yourself out in store windows or mirrors?: YES
What colour is your bedroom?: white, not by choice
Do You Use an Alarm Clock?: yes
Window Seat or aisle?: window seat though aisle gives me easy escape...window seat.
La La Land...
What's Your Sleeping Position?: on my left side but trying to sleep on back it's better
Even In Hot Weather, Do You Use a Blanket?: i always need a blanket
Do You Snore?: no i do not
Do You Sleepwalk?: not that I'm aware of
Do You talk in Your Sleep?: i dont think so
Do You Sleep with Stuffed Animals?: no
How About with The Light On?: not intentionally but yes
Do You fall asleep with the TV or radio on? i can with the tv but usually the radio is too distracting.
wow, that took me all class to do! whew!
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Audio Class
YAY!! Once again, i got out of Audio class early today!! I got out at about three exactly. So then i've pretty much been sitting here talking to Zane all this time. I'm kinda not all here lately, because i think of what SARAH is doing to me. I half expect Miranda to call me and have something to say to me real quick...i dont know. i dont know how to react. but i'm not asking any of you what to tell me to do. i just think it's a bunch of lies...either i've been living a lie for the past year and a half or i've been living a lie for the past 8 years...as Haley and Ashlynn would say..."pick one take one!"
Ginger
Ginger
http://c.myspace.com/00024/06/67/24687660_m.jpg
This would be a picture of Miranda and I BEFORE Sarah got in between us. Now it seems as though Miranda couldn't really care too much about me. The other day, a friend and I pulled a prank on her and in the end, it was kind of a test. It turns out that she failed the test. So it appears that if I were in an accident, she would hesitate and think it twice before she would even dare leave. So what does this mean? I suppose she really DOESNT care about me anymore. She really has been brainwashed. She never used to lie to me. Now she does. WHY?
Because of YOU, Sarah.
Now she doesnt like me anymore. WHY?
Because of YOU, Sarah.
Now she wants to ditch me. WHY?
Because some bitch named SARAH hates me. What I did to her, I dont think I will ever know.
This would be a picture of Miranda and I BEFORE Sarah got in between us. Now it seems as though Miranda couldn't really care too much about me. The other day, a friend and I pulled a prank on her and in the end, it was kind of a test. It turns out that she failed the test. So it appears that if I were in an accident, she would hesitate and think it twice before she would even dare leave. So what does this mean? I suppose she really DOESNT care about me anymore. She really has been brainwashed. She never used to lie to me. Now she does. WHY?
Because of YOU, Sarah.
Now she doesnt like me anymore. WHY?
Because of YOU, Sarah.
Now she wants to ditch me. WHY?
Because some bitch named SARAH hates me. What I did to her, I dont think I will ever know.
Monday, October 04, 2004
Saturday, October 02, 2004
PASSIONS
WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHEN THEY STARTED SHOWING ALISTAIR'S FACE?? WHY DIDNT THEY MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT IT, AND WHO IS THIS NEW GUY? HE DOESNT HAVE THE SAME OMINOUS VOICE AS THE "REAL" ALISTAIR DOES--HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO SHOW HIS FACE JUST SUDDENLY, THERE'S GOTTA BE A REASON!! SOMEONE TELL ME WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY AND HOW COULD THEY!!
NBC.com > Passions > Cliffhanger Challenge
NBC.com > Passions > Cliffhanger Challenge
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