One Weekend

Grandma came up Saturday, she brought two care bears that she made herself. I wanted grumpy bear because I remember he was my favorite when I was young, but I always dragged the rainbow one all around with me. Well blah blah blah...planning on going to see David next weekend. This week is going to be verrry long, mostly because of my friends who I would like to kill right now. Another thing, I am so sick of hearing about certain people in Chartucky, ones that live on Perkey road specifically. If I could get through the rest of my life without ever hearing about or seeing that person OR thine fake one, I would be soo happy. Yet alas, for we know this is not possible...

Well anyways enough of the stupid sappy stuff about people I want to kill, think happy thoughts! Jessica is happy right now, Miranda seems happy even though not everything is going according to plan, and Marta my Martulka is having a ball. Life sucks right now, but we are all having a good time. Life always sucks, you just gotta overlook some things or you will be sick all your life.

I hate the world, I love ME

(translation: have a nice day!)

MTEC 140

SWEEEEEEEETTT!! Dave let us out early today. Two ten early. We are supposed to get out at five!! SWEEEET! You know why though? Because the Final Draft program that is supposed to be installed on the computers is expired, and we cannot access what we need to access. So, until they are installed we can only do so much...

Which leads me to another related topic. It is "Desktop Video Production". That means we sit at a computer for alot of it (i think...). You know what???

WE HAVE TO USE MACS!!!!

I am gonna go mad!! Those STUPID one button mice and the stupid "you should only run one program at a time because it cannot concentrate on more than one thing like pcs can" AL;SKDJFAOS;DFKLJLAK;SDJF I HATE MACS I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM!!!!! AAAH! I just am so disturbed that i have to be at a MAC for this class! Ugh! It is so fucking tacky! How the hell am i supposed to bring in my files now? Put them on stupid cd? no my computer wont let me do that. i could just put them up on my email account if i needed to. ugh this is aweful. I cant believe this. They take forever to turn on, and when they are finally on you have to take your one button defective mouse and move it to the bottom and a;lsdkjfa;lskjfd kughlasdkjf i hate them! if i could take them all and throw them all out a window i would. i would definately. they are so hideous. you cant even tilt the monitors, what the hell is up with that? who thought up making a monitor immobile? So wrong. So very wrong.

YOU may think you like them. You may think they are pretty. It's only a scam. Yeah, I'm stairing at them right now. Stupid silver boxes with no obvious buttons and stupid immobile silver monitors and the STUPID mice that are one buttoned-- AND the fact that they plug into the keyboard. So wrong. SOOOO wrong. No, I am completely content with my sleek black box I have here and the wonderful black keyboard. ANNNNND, the TWO buttoned mice that plug into the BRAIN of the computer like everything ELSE does. You cant see anything on those stupid things! None of your applications, you have to take your cursor to the bottom to know what is functioning.

And you know what? i tried to operate Photoshop on the MAC i was at and it didnt work how it should have. I caught myself trying to right click to duplicate the layer and then i realized that there really is a reason why they have them in the menu--because some people neeeeeeeed them. I dont know if there was something wrong with the file i was trying to produce or it was the mac, but i couldnt get it to render=> clouds for me. i blame it on the mac. Stupid thing. I hate them all!!

My Blog's Pictures

If you have not noticed yet, I have new pictures on my blog. And I finally figured (kinda) out how to make them links so I dont have to have a small picture that nobody can see. Because it sucked when nobody could see my funny pictures that I made in photoshop such as the one I did of Dave Skidmore and his Monster bike.

Well, right now I havent had time to put more interesting pictures up, but I have a picture of Ryan Parshall up--nobody could be more fun to laugh at--and he knows it. Then there is that picture of Miranda Jessica and I that I havent made a link yet...i dont know if i even still have it...and a picture of me yay---but THEEEEN: something I am very proud of and I am in love with, my picture that I made in photoshop tuesday. HaHAAA!! It all started when I was in psychology class, and I ended up thinking about how some people think that they wont be right unless they have pills to make them biologically correct. Because that's all that anything is anymore: buy pills buy pills these will make you lose weight, these will make you fly...

So, this picture is my advertisment to the world: buy MY pills, and you will become whoever you want to be!! You just pop the ENTITY PILL (TM) And you will become whoever you see inside the pill! See, I bought these souls from the devil and trapped them within each pill. No guarantee, no refund. ENJOY!!

That one guy...

You would never believe this! Well ok maybe YOU might but I dont. Actually now that I think about it it's more and more strange. I was thinking about a long long time ago and far far away...about someone from last year. I remember that earlier last night around ten Jordan called me and I told him about it. That I was a little depressed because I kept thinking about the story he had told me. About how that person could be so evil, so...boldly fake. Well anyways, I called a few other people, nobody answered their phones, I went to bed.

One in the morning. Phone rings. As I remember from psychology class yesterday, my brain knew from experience what to do, but I was so tired I didnt know what I was doing. I looked at it like I always did before I answer, usually will register but it didnt that time--and somehow I figured out that it was him.

I thought it was a little funny, I told him to call me tomorrow. But before I did that I had asked him "why are you calling me on Jordan's phone?" which I realize now what I was thinking. See, Jordan and he hate eachother. I was thinking two thoughts at once and my lips were slower than my brain. I am glad I didnt say what I was thinking, he would have wanted to kill me. I was thinking both "why did you call me?" and "why did you break into Jordan's house?"...

It's strange how I can think about people and they contact me. I wonder if he knows what he did the other weekend at Bob's house? I will wait to hear him speak. But that doesnt change anything, I still hate him. I still want to see him murdered. Or even better, his blood on my hands would be pretty...Oh wow, then I wonder why people think I'm mad. Because I say crazy things. Well actually it's not really crazy, you just interpret it that way.

My point: it's not 2004 anymore, his time has passed.

Psychology class

Whoa...today I was blown away by the whole idea of neurons and chemicals in the brain. Wow...I remember my high school psychology teacher telling me about dopamine but she never elaborated about it. To hear more about it intrigued me. It also made me wonder, about all the things that could be wrong with the world. I know that it really isnt right, that some people believe that all there is to us is chemicals. Because there isnt, there are emotions. there is a mental process in the brain that is connected to the biological part but is not part of it. Otherwise we would be nothing more than rats in a huuuuge cage. But then again, rats may actually have emotions. But they cannot convey them in such a manner that we humans can so obviously convey them.

Ok...after 50 minutes of being away from this page, I am arguing with what it says. All things that are living (excluding plants trees bacteria...) have emotion, but we are only capable of noticing the emotions of those which we are around the most. We can sense human emotion the best, but we also can detect the emotion of a cat or dog from observing them or hearing them. Or cattle too. Horses too, horses are supposedly very sensitive and sense more of your emotion than you do of it. Blah blah blah that's why when I went horseback riding for the first and hopefully last time the horse would run every now and then--because it was sensing my fright. I was afraid of the horse, and because of that it was afraid of me. I dont like horses. Maybe it's some thing that stems back to my childhood from when my mother was in an accident with four horses. I dunno.

Although this also reminds me of how earlier in psych class they got off topic and started talking about divers. I got really uncomfortable, and they started talking about what can happen if you are going too deep and you are not used to it yet and oh man something about oxygen toxicity....i got really nervous i kinda am now...change of subject...

Is that all we are? that's what I think. We are all just hypochondriacs (sorry if mispelled) and all believe that something is wrong with us just because we saw or heard of someone who had something wrong with them doing something we have done--"there was a psycho once who cooked dinner for himself...oh my god am I PSYCHO?? I cooked dinner once tooooo!!!" some people...

~The Geeng Gr

Snow

AAAH! Did you SEE all the freaking snow outside? Oh man, there is so much! Like a foot of snow! And knowing my luck, every school will be closed tomorrow EXCEPT CHS. Which sucks so baaaad! Even IF I didnt have my EISD class tomorrow, I would still have my Psych class. Which reminds me, I am hahahaha evil! No not really actually if I were evil I would have said "leave me alone, I dont like you" a long time ago...that creepy kid who always somehow runs into me and is hitting on me, well I was in the computer lab the other day and he came along--I wanted to cry. But well he wanted to know my schedule and I told him I had my psych class at the WRONG times so that he would not pester me, hahahaaa...just wait, some day he will catch me in a bad mood, and then what??? I'll make him go away. hahaha...I will be such a bitch. but that'll have to come on the day he catches me in the bad mood. Lately i've been happy. Calm cool, a little depressed but not angry. But I still hate the world. Goodnight, ugly ugly world, all those huuuuge cities that I hate so much. Goodnight, dirrrrrrty dirty places that I refuse to ever visit in my life. I hope I wake up in the morning in bliss knowing that you dont exist...GOODNIGHT!!

Last Weekend

I know that all of you are probably rather angry with me for what I did. I know I was wrong, I know that what I did was bad. I am sorry. I hope you can forgive me and not disown me.

Nerdy??

Ha ha...I'm not as nerdy as Neil is hahaha...

Friday's Day...oh man oh man...

Where to start..well...after I got out of my morning class, I went to Charlotte. I went to see my Miranda. She works at the gas station on the corner now, the one that's closest to her house. Well, I saw her car parked there, and was excited. I HAD to park next to her car, I have never done that before. Bad idea...ya know how by the garbage dumpster it is a hill??... well...I SWEAR SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT WHEN YOU PARK A STICK SHIFT ON A HILL THAT DOESNT HAVE A PARKING BREAK, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO PUT IT IN THE HIGHEST GEAR...

yes yes, you dont have to tell me anymore, I have heard it too many times. "NO, Ginger! You put it in first or reverse!!"

Well...

I ended up putting it in fourth. I was excited about being next to Miranda's car, and I was happy I could see my Miranda. I went inside and lingered for a bit. Not a couple minutes, and I leave. I see something horrific. The truck, I think it's rolling down the hill and there is a garbage truck at the light!! AAACH!! I run at the truck. Dumb me, dumb me! My mother and her paranoia about always locking the door and lock this and lock that because people will steal yer shit Ginger...the door was locked. Thank's ma, the one time it DOESNT help me...so I get out the key and try to unlock it thinking it is still in motion. i start it and "revvvvvvv" in a panic with my foot on the break ready to stop so i dont hit the dumpster in front of me. Truck doesnt move. I'm about to cry. I then realize that the truck had been sitting there.

The man comes out who was driving it. We explain the story to eachother. I had hit the tire of the garbage truck with the bumper of the S10. I realize I am on the corner of TWO MAIN ROADS and there are people everywhere. How embarassing!! Then I see this *silver ford taurus* coming up behind the garbage truck, and I turn away and toss my hair in my face thinking it is Dave or Wendy. (It turns out later that Miranda told me it was her mother and she didnt recognize me, yay--but now Miranda has probably told Wendy by now, sob sob...) After all the stuff was settled, he kindly moved the truck for me because I was too afraid to move it from the hill.

Then I went to where I needed to be. I went to the school to tell Mr. Backlund my grades. And just as I imagined it, I found Zane and as he hugged me, the first thing I said was "I ran into a garbage truck..." I couldnt think straight. I was trembling because I have never done something that stupid before! (Well, ok maybe not in the past week anyways...) UGH!! I am afraid of stick shifts now, I only want to drive one if it has a stupid parking break and also it has to work.

But that is the story about Friday, at least that's all I want to embark upon right now. I want to go crawl in a hole now, where nobody will find me and nobody will ever know that it was I who had the beat up S10 at the Admiral station Friday at 11am who had hit the garbage truck as it was at the light... because now you all know it was me. And those of you who knew not of the incident, now you know of it and will throw it in your goodie bag of things to make fun of Ginger for, just like when she made it all the way to Brighton before she realized that she was not going the right way to make it to Charlotte...but hey at least I didnt ball my eyes out for an hour and a half this time...I shed not one tear over it. But by now it feels to me like it happened a month ago, because alot of weird stuff happened this weekend that I dare not even begin to explain to you in this post. I will leave you with Friday morning's news, which I didnt even tell my mother when I saw her a couple hours later because I knew she would turn it on me in some sort of "i told you so but you never listen" sort of way and make me feel like i'm just another "juvinile delinquint" as she always referrs to as BAD PEOPLE. But now she knows, wether she will read this or hear from someone else, she will know now. Ugh...I gotta go find my hole in the ground now...

Friday, January 7, 2005

Stick shift trucks...EEEK...how nerve wrecking. Well, only when you dont know how very well. It is fun when you got it all good, but it's not that great of a feeling when you have a line of cars behind you on Michigan Avenue at the light and it turns green and you let off the clutch and it stalls...then you start it up and let off the clutch again and it stalls again...then the van behind you gets angry and passes you and you do it for a third time and get it going in motion, and it's all good. It just gets really hot...

Well anyways, I have an appointment at the dentist in Charlotte today. So I am going to Charlotte immediately after class and have a list of things to do. Oh boy today will be fun.

In other news...guess who called Ginger yesterday?? You'd never believe it...AARON BLICK! He apparantly got shipwrecked. This huge wave beached the sailboat. So now they are on some island, making money. They met some rich guy who they are working for. Man, this is so screwed up. I didnt even really get to talk to him, ya know, I just listened to him blab forever. But I was warned, he said he had an earful. Quite the disaster happened to the boys. Wonder if they'll ever come back from paradise??

So, I'll be off to wonderful cozy old Chartucky in an hour...yay...

"What race or ethnicity are you?"

Something that has always offended me. I hate the question. Why do they want to know? What does it matter? If "America" is "a melting pot for all cultures", then why should it matter what race an American is? It doesnt matter at all. You dont need to know if I am asian or hispanic or latino...you dont need to know if I am Indian or Korean or German or Irish...you dont. On MEAP tests I would only mark the "white" thing because it was required. They need to put a box for "prefer to not disclose" because it angers me every time I am marked as "white" or even "american". I am not proud of being "white". I am not proud of being "american" either. Americans are portrayed as so much more than they really are. And because of this, Americans believe they really are more. They are not better than anyone. They are not superior. Didnt we learn that with the Germans in WWII?? Yah, I think we did. What is wrong with Americans? They think they are here to save the world. That they are not. They cannot save the world pretending they are not part of it. Because THEY are part of what may be seen as "wrong" with the world.

And as for having to fill in the box next to "white", I hate that too. I dont want to be stereotyped. And also, wasnt it the "white man" who did all that to the indians who owned this country before the "white man" came and destroyed it all? And wasnt it the "white man" who did all that to their own kind years ago? People are not better than people. They cannot be your slaves. And you cannot take something away from someone just because they are different than you. If you think that someone can have a different flesh tone than yourself and be worth less than you, you dont deserve what you may already have. Because you are worth nothing if you cannot see that EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. A little box labeled "white" cannot stand for who I am. Filling in two lines of my ethnicity cannot tell you who I am. I had no choice in those labels that the world can lay upon me. But I cannot let this go, unless the world lets their assumptions go of who I could be by looking at my ethnicity or the color of my skin. By making me mark the box labeled "white", that puts me into a catagory. That makes me just another average. That makes me "one out of" the white women. For all we know they could be taking those answers and decyphering that all white women of this age are like this. NO. I am not proud of it, and I am not just another one of the "white women". I am Ginger. I cannot be labeled by the color of my skin, or catagorized by my ancestory. It is wrong. I can only be catagorized by who I am, how I treat people, what I do for the world, what I stand for, and how I do things. NOT by some little box labled "white".

New Year

Wow...I have had an excellent beginning of the year. Soooo fun. I hung out with some REALLLLLLY cool people on New Years. ANNNNND, I spent the last of the year with someone I hope to spend so much more time with in the future. Oh wow, I had a great week. So freaking fun. I hope that for the most part, the way I spent the first of the new year WILL depict the average day of my year. It was so awesome. I havent had a bad day yet. Hm...I am meeting so many new people that I like so much. Barta, and Wings, and Wolf, and Joy and Aaron...lucky bastard going to the Bahamas for a week, left today...but especially Barta and Joy. Joy is fun. Barta is very...she is worth the time, even if she terrifies Jordan or anyone else.

Hope to give you all kisses. Miranda, Marta, I love you both and hope you send me a kiss cuz I am sending you one!!! Ryan...what the hell, kisses to you too...

Ging